Yes, today was Easter Monday in Canada. Actually, Canadians are off on Friday and Monday. According to our President, George W., even the eb should get some time off. I suspect they are going to be in a debate very soon. The issue: what color is an American egg? Who knows? The photo (pulled from Google images) suggests that no gays are allowed. Thus the color best be white. If it were black (representing all color) that would promote an “alternative” lifestyle. What-f-ing-ever. Egg on.
The ‘easter bunny’ (to be referred to as the eb from now on) is considered an anthropomorphic, bipedal animal possessed as if it were Santa-like. Somehow this piece-of-shit has the miraculous ability to fill children’s baskets with chocolates and ‘hide’ vast numbers of brightly colored ‘eggs.’ I might conclude that it seems far more like a mushroom-induced hallucination than anything even remotely related to the man named Jesus.
How did the eb become so enmeshed and connected with the ‘Greatest Story Ever Told?’
I suggest it is another retailization attempt at encouraging us to buy something based on a holiday rather buy something based on need.
Curiously, the eb is ‘extra biblical’ (a term meaning that, like Santa Claus, and the Tooth Fairy), he (or she) is not mentioned in the Bible, even in the apocrypha, which is pretty trippy as chunks of the Bible go. While there is a Gnostic gospel, the Gospel of Dave, that does indeed mention a large, hirsute roman with prominent buck teeth witnessing the resurrected Jesus and ‘hopping’ directly to heaven, it should be noted that I totally made that up just now.
Except for its modern association with Easter, the bunny is not a biblical symbol in the New Testament, and appears only once in “The Songs of Solomon” which uses rabbits as a symbol for energetic screwing.
QUESTION: Where then, does this tradition come from?
ANSWER: From retailization.
Some say the chicken crossed the road to get to the other side. Others have been heard commenting that the chicken crossed the road to get laid. The bunny crossed the road to lay some chocolate eggs. It must have been jealous of the chicken and thought brown eggs would sell better. However, the brown eggs didn’t sell so well – - people associated them with shit. SO the bunny painted a bunch of eggs hoping to share them with his furry friends and kids everywhere. However, the bunny didn’t anticipate that the chicken would be waiting in the bushes with a few of his pecker friends. Easter egg hunting is now officially canceled. Hop on.
When the bunny drinks too much he doesn’t feel so good. Rarely does he feel like sharing his alcohol nor his chocolohol nor his stage which is set for magic. The pagan holiday is coming to life with lots of negative energy because the bunny does NOT have any relationship to the greatest story ever told. Furthermore, my historical research suggests that cheap-ass Cadbury chocolate is a prime supporter of the eb. Or so I’m told. The reason for excessive drinking is Cadbury’s brand linkage to Schweppes – thus the bunny has access to mixes and what-not. Drink on. Two days of fun remaining ………….
The eb has NOTHING to do with the religious holiday, nor the greatest story ever told, nor any book in the Bible. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. It’s a blatant attempt by retail America to induce purchases of many, many unneeded Easter ‘things:’
New underwear: How many times did Easter symbolize the day of new underwear for you as a child? Why not buy new underwear when needed!
Hardboiled Eggs: OF COURSE these are painted with a PAAS kits. Can’t we just hard boil the eggs and eat them?
New “something” – the real case for buying isn’t the need but the day.
Flowers: Nothing like and excuse for the floral industry to guilt us into buying flowers for mom.
Chocolate: In the shape of … you got it … a bunny. Another pagan attempt to get us to sacrifice something.
Peeps: A wasteful bit of sugar that is mostly eb poop. Yes, it’s marshmallow poop from the chocolate bunny.
Because Easter, has a pagan connection that celebrates fertility, the eb makes sense. How nice that Christians everywhere are teaching their offspring to worship in a strange and interesting way.
The bunny is looking to get drunk as his furry “other” friend the skunk. Whoo-hooo – let’s drink up my furry friend. When you deliver the eggs make sure to include a six-pack of Samuel Adams Boston Lager. Thank-you-very-much.
If you visit the mall in the next two weeks you’ll see some scary bunnies – and many that look dingy, dirty and drab. Even worse, they smell like smoke, vodka and have “b-o.” Please be prepared to use your personal supply of Purell at-will. Hop on.
Fry-baby-fry. The Peep parade is coming – and many of them are preparing for the onslaught by smoking, drinking and drugging a little too much. Many are getting tattoos just to symbolize their commitment to the pagan celebration where furry bunnies hide eggs for little kids. And so the story goes – Peeps are coming.
This story is brought to you by, “Kid_Sin” also known as The Soul Bandit. Enjoy – boys and girls.
“Once upon a time, there was an evil Santa Claus sent out to stop good children from getting presents. One day he summoned his evil elves and asked them to prepare his breakfast. But they were so evil that they made his breakfast out of snow and rocks. When Santa ate his breakfast, he realized that all his evil elves poisoned the snow and rocks. He went to go tell his brother but forgot he’s been turned into an egg by the evil Easter bunny. So instead, he called up the magical wizard of oz and asked if he could fix it. The wizard said of course I can, but you have to bring me a kangaroo egg and then you have to fry it in some African Chicken Juice with a touch of Garlic. You also have to bring me an extra large strawberry, chocolate, vanilla, butterscotch, cherry, chocolate chip cookie dough sundae. But the most important item ever is the hair follicle from the one-eyed, one-horned, flying purple people eater dipped in your moms famous beef stew! To acquire this rarity, you must learn the ways of the one-eyed one-horn flying purple people eater and to do that you must go to the great one-eyed one-horn F.P.P village and ask for Chief Superman the great chief and tell him that his breath smells like butter. But that has nothing to do with how you will get the items you need. Anyway, to get the items you need, you will tell him that you need his assistance in smelling your feet. He loves to help people do that and you must get on his good side before you ask him for favors. After you do that, you have to dip your feet in garlic for him to smell cus once he smells the garlic he will want to lick your feet clean cuz he loves garlic, once you do that you learned the ways of the one-horned one-eyed F.P.P.E. And once you do that you can finally get what you have been longing for. Then you can go in search of the Flying Purple People Eater to get his hair. You must seek him out by using Ur batman signal light cuz he LOVES batman. He is like batman’s number one fan, once you do that you must go to Antarctica to freeze off all his hair. And once you do that you can finally grab his hair and make your way back to me, once you do that i will give you the special beef stew your mom made so you can dip it in there. When you complete this task you will have to cut it in half and go out to dinner with me cus there’s more to me then your brother told you about before he got turned into that egg.” The evil Santa then thought about his journey ahead of him and looked at the 3 paths he could travel. He decided to take the one filled with the big destructive weapons and evil plans file cabinet, he took the biggest weapon and the most evil plan he could find and made his way back to his own version of “the bat cave”. When he arrived, he took a bath in hot chocolate with lots of marshmallows. He took some cookies with him and dunked them in his bath. He called up his brother and asked him when was the best time to attack then he said i mean visit, then he ate cake. After that he hid his destructive weapon and evil plan and made his way to the north pole riding a carrot. Instead of taking fuel, it took apple juice mixed with paper. On the paper, had to be written “I am paper, hear me crinkle” or it wouldn’t work. On the way, the evil santa spotted a one toothed yellow spotted squirrel eating his favorite kind of chips. He pulled his carrot over took the chips and threw the squirrel into a boiling vat of blue striped granny panties. The squirrel swam around in the vat drinking the water. While the squirrel was doing that evil Santa got back on his way to the northpole until Rudolph the moron reindeer stopped him in his tracks. Rudolph started telling him jokes and riddles and wouldn’t let him go. Finally santa got so aggravated that he threw the squirrel at him and ran him over with his carrot. He was almost there but his carrot. Ran into a blender and got all chopped up. So he had to find something else to ride. He found a Magical flying chair with a seatbelt. So he sat in the chair and rode it till he got to Santas underwear drawer realizing his error he picked out his favorite thong that’s red with white fur around the edges and green bows and sparkles. After that he put them on and started dancing around like a big elephant in the circus. He then got tired so he made spaghetti. Instead of eating it, he threw it in his bed and rolled around in it. His dog named FourthofJuly tried to eat the spaghetti so he dumped a bunch of sauce on him. FourthofJuly realized it was magical spaghetti and looked up at his master and started speaking. “you need to go to the northpole still to use your evil plan which is to make a Christmas army and take over the world. Then not allow anyone to get presents.” Evil santa replied, “oh yeah. But i will need your help. Go assemble the super secret big bang weapon that im gonna use to create my army and dont forget to make me a sandwich and on that sandwich i want Egg salad with peanut butter and skittles! Now GO!” FourthofJuly ran off to do his task. But suddenly, a man jumped out of nowhere and turned him into a coat rack!!!!! *gasp* the man went in search of Santa. There was going to be a battle bigger than any ever seen before! (Even bigger than star wars). When the man went into Santa’s room, Santa dove out of his bed, stood up ready to fight and exclaimed, “It’s you the easter bunny, the one who turned my poor dog into a firework display at fourthofjuly.” Santa raised up his fists but then all the sudden Cupid busted through the window with a RPG. Then the sandman broke out some Explosive sleep dust and started throwing it everywhere! There were explosions all over the place and cupid started firing at random! Santa took cover under a table as the Easter Bunny whipped out his AK47 and started shooting at Cupid. It was a war between the Legendary Figures! Next thing everyone knew, Mother Nature was flooding in with magical wine. As soon as she did everyone got drunk and forgot why they were fighting. Santa found this a perfect opportunity to reveal his evil plan to the figures, while he was doing that the real santa was sitting in the North Pole eating his beard. He was so worried about the good kids and so he decided to go and see what the evil santa has planned for this Christmas. Just as he was walking out the door, a magical carpet crashed through his window saying let’s have a party to celebrate the number 523. So he got on the magic carpet and started riding around. Just after he shot up the chimney he saw the evil santa carrying a big grape. He took sharpies and started coloring the grape red, cuz it was green and he didn’t like the green ones. When the evil santa was done coloring the grape, he took a bite out of it and threw it at the good santa. It knocked him off the carpet and he fell to the ground. The good santa was defeated, and someone would have to take over his position…unless the bad santa stopped them. The evil santa stole the old good santa’s clothes from the ground and hid them in his big pocket, after he did that he dug out the grape and put the good santa in it. After that he zipped up the grape and put the grape in an underground bunker built to withstand nuclear warfare. He set up a ton of traps and explosives around the perimeter so no one but him would be able to penetrate the armor. After he knew the santa suit and good santa’s leftovers were safely secured he took out the santa suit and put it on. As soon as he did that all the elves grew lil horns and tails, the santa suit grew black, and santa was drained of all his powers. Knowing hes been defeated, Santa Took out his freeze gun and started to destroy his evil empire. But he didn’t know that the good Santa would (the good one) shriveled up and died, like a raisin. He turned to dust and the evil santa swept him into the dust pan and blew him into the fan. The dust scattered everywhere…and the good santa was to never be seen again. The evil santa felt no remorse and decided to go assemble his Christmas army and take over the world. Everyone knew that Christmas was ruined, and it would never be the same again, seeing Santa was Father Christmas. Now all Christmas will be evil.“
Good night John boy, good night Mary-Ellen.
Again, Peeps make a great addition to the basket of your choice. In order to “hide” the contents of the foil pack, disguise two Peeps on a small paper plate using cocktail picks – but reverse them to help the Peeps appear as if they are dueling. This step adds some much needed drama to your basket. Peep-on.
In our world-class basket of treats we must add some Peeps. Marshmallow treats that are better when burned. I personally know an industrial cooker who likes to burn things prior to eating them. Breads, cookies, potatoes – you name it – she can burn it. Peeps – well my little bunny friends – those are easy to burn and cheap.
Process: Take a row of peeps (yellow variety) and place them on a foil sheet. If using the industrial cooker the burn process takes no more than 3 seconds (yes, three seconds). Once burned, pull the edges of the foil upward and twist the corners so you seal the Peeps in their tomb of death. With a brightly colored ribbon you can encase the tomb with the hopefulness of ’something good to eat.’
Day two – done!
The anti-easter bunny funny pages are full of wonderful imagery and ideas to help prove a point. Easter and bunnies are NOT connected Biblically. Period. So why not poke a little hole in the basket or an egg and ruin it for all those snub-nosed folks who truly believe Easter is really (!) about the bunny. This year let’s make a real anti-eb basket for the kids, friends and/or family. Especially those family members you love (not). The basket will contain many goodies – so let’s focus on the primary component of a world-class anti-eb basket: Eggs!
This year we’re making anti-easter eggs. When you think about extending the life of rotten eggs, this is the perfect venue. The trick is to coat them with enough paint that the odor will not escape – I suggest using enamel. If you toss in a pentagram here and there, it will liven up the basket of your choice. Pretty simple huh? Find rotten eggs, paint them, and place them in the basket of your choice. Keep the menu on your check list because we’re tracking toward the big day in just two weeks!
It’s true, pictured here with George W. Bush the eb is attempting to do what only the eb can do: shit on us and kids everywhere will smile and love it. Right? Isn’t its shit tasty like chocolate or something like that?? If not just tell your kids that the brown stuff dogs drop – and bunnies too – is NOT chocolate. Nor is it edible. Hop on.
“Where’d you get it?” – said the little boy
“Humans dropped it!” – said the Easter Bunny.
“What does it taste like?” – said the little boy
”Just like my ass – try it!” – said the Easter Bunny.
Sure this is a G-rated blog, but who says we can’t stretch the limits? The eb (easter bunny) is know for antics like those seen herein. Yes, the furry creature has his moments just like we all do. Best keep the kids away – remembering that he is the offspring of a pagan holiday. Can you say, “Club Med?”
Hop-on.
Best bring a gun to tackle the tough bunnies this year. They look mad!
And why not create anti-Easter Eggs …. these are a fun, colorless way to add evil to your very own basket. Start with thoroughly rotten eggs which have cooked in the tropical sun for months. Paint them black, brown, pumpkin pie orange or gray with a good quality tempra paint which will seal in any escaping odors. Decorate the finished eggs with pentagrams, satanic symbols, witches, ghouls or drawings of dead pet carcasses. Creativity is your friend here, whatever evil you can dream up, you can doodle it onto your Anti-Easter Eggs! Place eggs gently into your Anti-Easter hand basket and share with friends. You will see the repugnance in their eyes when they bite into these festive treats!
I never thought we’d see a food-sculpture tribute to Anna Nicole Smith more moving than that of Banana Nicole, who lived her life like a Chiquita in the wind, and was peeled much too soon. But now BoingBoint points us to an Anna Nicole constructed entirely out of everyone’s favorite edible hatchlings, Peeps. Surround it with a bouquet of spring flowers for an Anna Nicole-themed Easter dinner centerpiece your guests will be talking about for months, then thrill the youngsters by ambushing them in a bunny suit and clown makeup during the backyard methadone hunt. I’d pull out the Remington 1100 and fry some bunny booty. Die-bunny-die.
This Easter Americans will purchase an estimated 700 million Marshmallow Peeps. Some will also be consumed by them—fanatics maintain Web sites featuring everything from Peep erotica, dubbed “Peep Smut,” to an inventive online movie called “Lord of the Peeps,” and each year at least a few newspapers print odes to the candy. But for all the fascination with Peeps, it’s never been clear why the sugary treats are associated with Easter. The marshmallow rabbits represent the Easter Bunny, but what do marshmallow chicks have to do with the resurrection of Christ? NOTHING! It’s retailization at work.
Peep-on.
We wait for it. Some kids hop hope for it. And yes, the pagan holiday is celebrated by Christians who only know what they are told. I will agree that many folks actually know the facts – and elect to over look those in favor of celebrating with Easter-bunny activities.
Why not?
Don’t we need reasons to celebrate? Life is so boring that we have to find reasons to buy something, hide something or give some furry creature away. Right?
The easter bunny isn’t an Easter bunny. It’s a rabbit which symbolizes something other than the “greatest story ever told.” It’s connected in some odd and strange way -now – with retail America. Another proof-point of what we call retailization. Buy-on.
Ok, Ok, so I’m working on killing the freakin’ bunny of Easter. EB. Why not? He/she/it has NOTHING to do with the religious holiday, nor the greatest story ever told, nor any book in the Bible. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. It’s a blatant attempt by retail America to induce purchases of many, many unneeded Easter ‘things:’
New shoes: How many times did Easter symbolize the day of new shoes for you as a child? Why not buy shoes when needed!
Eggs: OF COURSE these are painted with the famous PAAS kits (now more than 125 years in operation). Can’t we just hard boil the eggs and eat them?
New clothes: White is the color of celebration but the rainbow (H@!) of colors come out (don’t they). I’m sticking to my everyday jeans, boots and a comfy shirt – thank-you-very-much.
Flowers: Nothing like and excuse for the floral industry to guilt us into buying flowers for mom. Right? No.
Bunnies: And so many of these little furry creatures are loved for one day then it’s over. : (
Chocolate: In the shape of … you got it … a bunny. Another pagan attempt to get us to sacrifice something.
Peeps: A wasteful bit of sugar that is mostly eb poop. Yes, it’s marshmallow poop from the chocolate bunny.
Because Easter, has a pagan connection that celebrates fertility, the eb makes sense. How nice that Christians everywhere are teaching their offspring to worship in a strange and interesting way.
Of course, for most us Cadbury eggs are much better than church.
Death to the bunny!
The ‘easter bunny’ (to be referred to as the eb from now on) is considered an anthropomorphic, bipedal animal possessed as if it were Santa-like. Somehow this piece-of-shit has the miraculous ability to fill children’s baskets with chocolates and ‘hide’ vast numbers of brightly colored ‘eggs.’ I might conclude that it seems far more like a mushroom-induced hallucination than anything even remotely related to the man named Jesus.
How did the eb become so enmeshed and connected with the ‘Greatest Story Ever Told?’
I suggest it is another retailization attempt at encouraging us to buy something based on a holiday rather buy something based on need.
Curiously, the eb is ‘extra biblical’ (a term meaning that, like Santa Claus, and the Tooth Fairy), he (or she) is not mentioned in the Bible, even in the apocrypha, which is pretty trippy as chunks of the Bible go. While there is a Gnostic gospel, the Gospel of Dave, that does indeed mention a large, hirsute roman with prominent buck teeth witnessing the resurrected Jesus and ‘hopping’ directly to heaven, it should be noted that I totally made that up just now.
Except for its modern association with Easter, the bunny is not a biblical symbol in the New Testament, and appears only once in “The Songs of Solomon” which uses rabbits as a symbol for energetic screwing.
QUESTION: Where then, does this tradition come from?
ANSWER: From retailization.
After Valentine’s Day ANTI messaging.
1. Water your flowers even though they are already dead.
2. Find a spot for the stupid bear he bought you even though you already have ninety nine bears hiding somewhere.3. Visit Kroger for half-off candy; why not be prepared for Halloween?! While there buy some cards so you will be ready for next year.4. Buy what you really wanted him to buy you.
5. Cuss your significant other out because he forgot Valentine’s Day or is an anti-V-day guy.6. Go to the bank (for some people it’s payday.)
7. Delete all of the Valentine’s Day related spam you received.
8. Sell the gift that you did not really want in an online auction.
9. Look for something to sell related to Valentine’s Day so you can make some money.
10. Ask your significant other what are you doing for me today?!?! And tomorrow. And the next day. And the day after that. Etc, etc.
With so many well wishes today, I wonder what happens tomorrow? Will these same people feel the very same when it’s February 15th? I doubt it. The likelihood of love-in-the-air well wishes will be fewer. Except for the women who “boast” about their gifts, flowers or bling. “How nice.”
Other than those select few who brag, what about the rest of you? Will it be worthy?
I had lunch with a colleague today while in route back to the office from a meeting. We chatted about V-day and what his wife was getting / buying … and he made it painfully clear that he wasn’t interested in any gift. He suggested that she save the money for something useful. My client, when asked about v-day plans, said “we’re not celebrating a fake holiday!” Umm. The message isn’t sticking but some folks feel the very same way — retailization doesn’t control me to buy-buy-buy.
The next target: EASTER. Stay tuned.
The official number of flowers (individual) given on 2/14 is 100 million. Should the money that drives 100 million be given to charity I suspect all the issues of Katrina would be solved. True or not – just think about it!
Victoria is going to sell less stockings, bras, and nighties – but the number will be significant. But, the impressions will be numerous. Possibly more than 100 million.
Cupid will kill off several stupid lovers on 2/14. Make sure the clip is loaded. Fire when ready.
POST ONE of TWO 2/13/08: Please refer to the newly added definition for retailization. If you’ve missed it, now is the opportunity. It lays the foundation for POST TWO of TWO later today.
The balloons are filled and the isles are FULL of crap. Close your eyes and randomly pick up something – that should do. As the retailization day approaches, consider using your money for something practical like making your wallet a little fatter for the rainy day when you actually need some money. Consider this thought: what is the one thing, item, gift – whatever – that you have in your possession today that was a v-day gift from last year? The year before? Ten years ago?
Honestly, the sum total of what I’ve received on v-day could be labeled “crap.” Except of course the “physical” gifts which the kind folks at WordPress are not likely to appreciate me mentioning herein. Maybe I’ll start a “blogger” ….
Snake oil for sale. Old reliable looking for a little love in all the wrong places. The dare devil climbing to the top. Isn’t it time to buy something? Like flowers???? Snowy weather means roses in the Midwest this week. Sure nuf’ – look at the weather forecast. I’ve been saving today’s photo because it conveys the entire meaning of “anti” and “retailization.” Short, sweet and it sucks.
Just remember, you can purchase last minute crap at your local Stop-n-rob or Kroger if needed. Just about every isle has a unique gift. If in doubt, just pick up a bag of M&Ms and post a sticky note with it that tells a story:
Mom: “What cha’ eatin’ Tommy?”
Tommy: “Choc-late!”
Mom: “Where’d ya’ get it?”
Tommy: “Doggy dropped it.”
For the last month I’ve been looking at anti-v-day websites (and mega-crappy merchandise). My research objective was simple: gather enough qualitative data to better understand the pervasive anti-attitude. Yes, the anti exists but with so many websites offering merchandise, it’s fairly safe to hypothesize these sites are really in the anti-mood because it generates money. Many websites are clearly open for business to capture bizness – - open so they can scrape money-crumbs from the table of love. I’m not surprised.
In 2009 I’ll tackle the anti-attitude and expose the posers! Crap-on.
I can only imagine how much we will miss (LOL) this year – next week – 2/14/08. It will be my first anti-valentine’s day – and I’m in a great relationship. My “woman” is way-Ok about this mindset – and philosophy overall. She’s fully vested in my view of what retailization has done to America. Beyond ruining holidays, it’s actually hurting our economy. What could a family of four who have a combined household income of $40,000 do with the money they save IF they don’t buy v-day crap???? I suspect they could pay for a new wing on the house (or double wide it). Whatever. Just save the damn money and give it to a charity. Better yet, feed a family ‘in need’ for a week as a love offering. That’s money well spent.
Good idea!
He’s not in this picture. But with blond hair and mischief gleam, the kid on the right looks like DA when he was 8.
Fast-forward. There was a time when we handed out v-day cards to all of our classmates. I always thought it was odd that we gave everyone in class a v-day card, but that was the code-of-v-day-ethics (parental driven) in the 60’s. It still is – but I believe it’s driven by Haulmark more than parents these days. Oh I realize that Haulmark isn’t giving this shit away free – but they are pushing it on parents in buckets. Remember the “1st V-day” image from a while back! I suggest we give our first and second-graders some ANTI-v-day cards and then listen for the reaction. If you can hear me laughing, you know why.
Yes, the day is approaching and you best believe that the folks at Hallmark (my version is “Haulmark”) are hoping for a banner year. A bumper crop of cards are on the shelf and retailers are restocking their supplies to keep them fresh and tasty. Why? Have you ever noticed that some cards are dog-eared and abused from tire kickers? Retailers have wised up and begun removing tattered cards … working diligently to freshen the supply so consumers will linger a little longer. If the shelves are “picked over,” then a consumer might elect to wait and purchase a car at another location … like the local Stop-n-Rob. This consumer mentality keeps everyone on their toes (so to speak).
Tattered cards mean that folks are picking, choosing, eying and then “selecting” the most appropriate card for their mood, their target of affection and their desire to move the person. How interesting. Rely on a writer at Haulmark to tell your story. This is pathetic in my opinion. Enough said – eight days and counting. Let your love roll.
There was a time in life when love was much more innocent and pure. Is it today? Have we been tainted by Hollywood, movies, TV, advertising, the rich and famous, thugs, rap, hip-hop, magazines, our neighbors, our country, life’s struggles, …., what then? Yes to all in some shape, form or “fashion.” There was a time in life when a simple valentine day card was just that – simple. Yesteryear, a time when the card was probably hand-made and that it was unique to the person making it and the person receiving it. If only we could enjoy it – for a day.
Nope, I’m not against love. Actually I’m a lover not a fighter (though I did box Golden Gloves all four years of college life). Yep, Valentine’s Day has a bad wrap in many quarters, and the reason is pretty simple: it sets up expectations of bling, glitter, dinner, a sitter if you have kids, flowers, fuzzy bears and all sorts of things including cards with copy that profusely say: I LOVE YOU. Ok then. It’s more than just a mild disdain for anti-holidays, it’s a major dislike for what retailers have done to those precious days we WANT to enjoy.
I recognize the passion (that’s what I call it) is shared by lots of people. And yes, it includes people who are in loving and committed relationships. My 2/14 this year won’t include a flower, a card nor any bling. It will be just like 2/13 where I say, “I love you” and either help prepare or prepare a lovely dinner. When I’m good and ready I’ll shell out the bucks for flowers – but it will be based on a good reason, NOT a retail-reason.
Every holiday has gone wild with retailization. Christmas has become notorious … V-day too. What until I launch the St. Patrick’s Day assault!
Kroger – partners with Haulmark. I’m all about shopping on Sunday mornings. I just didn’t expect to be beaten from the door to exit with v-day crap. No wonder that most moms have refused to take their children to the grocery store, the isles are full of crap and even more v-day crap.
The card isle isn’t housed in just one isle – Kroger has a special “v-day” isle with “gifts.” Yes, fuzzy bears, Hello Kitty shiznet (which was cute) and so much cheap shit that you’d best buy some Depends while on that isle! Much more of the same.
Yes, Valentine’s Day is a forced holiday. If a couple is meant to be together, both people will look forward to having an excuse to display their affection – and many folks use this one day to “perform” as thought they are on a stage somewhere. Proof that are loved – proof they have someone in their life – proof that they indeed are “desired” by the opposite sex.
In the collective opinion of many leading psychologists, v-day reaffirms a personality disorder which is pervasive in today’s society: NPD. Unfortunately I’ve dated several of these “types.” It’s no fun – especially on v-day. During most of the year the individual is all-about themselves. Believing in their “specialness” … and that it can only be understood by other “special” people … so they constantly seek to uncover “special” people. These “types” require excessive admiration and certainly have a stronger sense of entitlement. They are envious of others – and in particular, possessions. Things (if you will) that “define” others (like a car, a title, an address in a prestigious neighborhood, etc.). It is ladled with arrogant behavior and fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance – and most specifically “ideal love.” Ergo, they are willing to leave their families and friends and abandon those as if a newer, better, more ideal life is just around the corner.
Frankly – I view the retailization of America as one of the chief drivers of this personality disorder. Of course, there are several others, including unpredictable caregiving or unreliable caregiving from parents. It’s echoed in the unbalanced feedback that doesn’t seem to arrive due to excessive admiration. I avoid these people. And holidays that feed their ego. The broad spectrum of pathologically narcissistic personalties range from very mild, reactive and transient to more severe inflexible types. At any point in that range, these people still have NPD. Meds won’t fix the problem. The only method – cognitive behavioral therapy. Even with therapy, it’s not a given that the behavior can be changed.
Good luck America – cause most of you deny it. Most of you just buy into it. Either way – I’m sure the messages are misunderstood.
Couples have an interesting code which is programmed and firmly established … and is heightened for Feb. 14. Dinner. Gifts. Being extra cute and cuddly. The pre-planning, though, can take the fun out of the day. People rush around, buying fuzzy stuffed hearts and roses and Wild Sex body butter to proclaim their undying love. And then the next day, it’s back to normal. It makes one wonder why this single day is supposed to define a relationship for the other 364. I call it retailization forced love. Close enough to BDSM that it’s being monitored by a Government program.
The month of February is near at hand. As in TOMORROW. Retailers will launch Phase II of their attack on our collective wallets with a fully layered, highly integrated, multi-level marketing ploy to sell us crap we don’t need. Just today I received an email alerting me to a flowers.com product. How the email navigated around Postini I’ll never know. Sensitivity guards are set on “max” – at all levels. Umm. Retailers are working with Postini to infiltrate our email systems. Another “Haulmark” attempt to encourage shame us into a buy-buy-buy mode.
… then again, for many, many folks, on v-day just about anyone will do. Especially if lonely. The retailization of America has us pegged with a buy-buy-buy something for v-day. I suggest you buy something for yourself and enjoy it.
… or is it recycled shiznet? I’m not sure but when it says recycled and a dog is in the photo, I assume it’s dog shit that is recycled to make a stupid v-day card. They smelled too. Buy ‘em today at Target. GO.
These are the suspected new v-day bags. NO these are NOT red and NOT heart shaped. These are the test-bags (beta) which present the product in its tasty position … chocolate. After lunch I usually consume a handful just to make sure I stay in touch with my sweet tooth(s). No there won’t be any of these given on v-day … just consumed by moi.
While in Target (actually a favorite place to shop for household crap), the card isle shouted at my little camera to investigate it further. Surprise, surprise. What did I find? V-day cards for one year-olds. v-day cards for newlyweds. V-day cards with sounds for the pets. V-day crap. “Haulmart” wants the v-day tradition to begin in a Ray Croc fashion: EARLY!
Mentally I reached for the card, pulled it from the plastic holder and ripped it apart … and then while locked into that mentally agony, I realized the kind folks at Target might not appreciate my views of v-day – - – and would likely replace the propaganda with even more babyganda.
As stated – proof of the crap.
Many sites offer up the fun shiznet of anti-v-day. This ONE is good. So link over and check out the dark, stressful side of anti-love-day. I love the fact that the owner of the site “knows’ Saint Valentine worked for Hallmark! Right on.
There’s no doubt about it. Valentine’s Day sucks. What a bunch of trite trash it is. Everyone runs around frothing, proclaiming their love and pledging their eternal allegiance to one another. It makes me sick. If someone truly cared about you, I think you’d hear it more often than once a year.
Umm??
If that special person truly cared they would do more than present you with a heart shaped cardboard box picked up from CVS filled with cheap chocolates made with oils and lard and a card costing $2.95. Then again, that’s buying love isn’t it????
This will supposedly cover all wrongs and faults in the relationship with one fell swoop, leaving the giver allieved of all sins committed within the past year. Don’t get me wrong. I’m a single guy in a committed relationship with a bent on giving grief to everyone else who is dating. I’m also a stark realist. I want someone to tell me if I’m loved of their own volition, not because some fabricated greeting card holiday sponsored by Hallmark compels them to do so.
Ummah.
dealing with economic issues. Yep, they are overbuilt – overstocked. nuf said.
are behind WordPress’ technical difficulties. Ummah.
Or, on his way to working it. The arrows might miss their intended target but love will prevail somewhere somehow (right??). Retailization includes cute cherubs that paint a pretty ‘love picture’ for V-day. Now here’s the question of the day: will Target put Mr. Cherub on a diet?? Will he too have to shape up and act as if he’s fit?? Ponder that ….
… in the window the damn pearl-thing. “Give me a gift … no (!) … I mean use your sav-ings.”
Lest we forget that when we ante up a small token of love on 2/14 it’s probably better than nothing at all. However, I’m thinking trinkets and trash so we cover the date but re-purpose the crappy gifts from Christmas. (NO – I will not be giving up my gift cards to Walmart. Those are saved for the widescreen TV.) In the spirit of the loving season, just make a card and sign it with I love you. Then ask, “what’s for dinner?”
Leave the seat up and we leave the seat up. Whatever.
Last time I checked I’m paying the bills in my house and if I leave the seat up – then so what. Even if I leave the seat up somewhere else, so what. I’m not getting into a guilt trip over doing a gift-thing for toilet water. Right on.
Even without V-day – bring it on ; 0 (I said that outloud!).
Ok, Ok – it’s a family blog (not really) that should stick to business. Maybe we give organic chocolate and some Lands End warmies? Fine with me – it’s better than a fat chick with Walmart camo lingerie on – right – on?
“When you ante up the flowers, candy and bling you get the girl.” Exactly what retail-America wants us to believe. Somewhere in the metrics of retail-love is a flaw and it’s spelled ‘temporary.’
Fleeting and passing and gone-gone.
This year – think about doing one thing on V-day. Make a card that specifically states what you love about the person. Limit the exchange to a single hand-made card and talk about your vacation, sex or something else. If the urge to give flowers tackles you from flowers.com, send them to your mother. She’d prefer to have them now versus six feet under.
Outta here.
The well prepared Anti-Valentine’s enthusiast can generate a fairly decent soundtrack for the day. A suggested curmudgeon’s playlist would probably include: “Girlfriend in a Coma” by Smiths, Tom Lehrer’s “Masochism Tango” or “She’s My Girl”, The Reverend Horton Heat’s “Bath-Water Blues” or “Where in the Hell did you go with my Toothbrush?”, Bobby Darin’s”Down With Love”, Judy Garland’s “I Will Come Back”, Adam Sandler’s “Somebody Kill Me”, and any “love song” written or performed by Sam Kinison.
For singles, Valentine’s Day can do more damage to the heart than good. No other holiday singles people out so acutely. For all the seeming specificity of days like birthdays and Father’s Day and Mother’s Day, everyone has a birthday at some point during the year, and everyone has parents. Not everyone is paired.
Disenchanted singles and non-sappy lovers have promoted Anti-Valentine’s Day for years. One look on the Internet and one finds hoards of save-the-sappiness commentaries and advertisements for Single’s Awareness Day.
Another official V-day location for crap-acquisition. The balloons are filled, roses are making their fragrance known, and candies are stocked on the shelves. Making your way around the store – a few isles over – and “Haulmark” has sound and motion cards ready for the eyes and ears of your love. Awe shucks – for me?!
More proof of the retailization of America. Even the grocery is in on it.
What is Hallmark pitching? Crappy-crap-crap. I suppose there are folks who need a whole month to prepare for V-day because of the choices? Because their list of loves is so long? Because they enjoy the day as an excuse to retailize?
Can you believe the pre-sell pictured before your eyes? The Pentax couldn’t either, but it took the damn picture. “Haulmark” is gearing us up (well, some of you) for the big love-day. Hoping we might “haul” some of this crap home with us. (LOL!@!) I might suggest that rather than focus your energy on just one day – how about spreading it over 365 days.
Rather than give some knick-knack-crappy-crap on just a single day, expand the thought and make it every day. I don’t mean knick-knack-crappy-crap gifts, I’m referring to real gifts. Gifts from the heart … a love note, an extra hug, an unexpected date night, completion of a chore that is helpful, etc. The list is endless and sickening if you think about it.
The Hallmark Holiday isn’t worthy of attention because it’s leading us all into pointless crap-buying. If you’re going to dump your money into something worthless, buy lottery tickets and give those as a gift.
…. back in the day, when love was bold and it ruled our lives, we felt warm on the inside. We had the world by the tail and a smile on our faces. Then the light switch flicked on the brights … and whoa. Maybe our view of what’s good for us is tainted somehow from the start – by emotion, makeup, or a desire to fill our heart with something (even for a while).
Valentine’s Day is the one day on which we regain composure or reformulate our mindset about ‘love’ and our relationship – or the lack thereof. Retailers love the fact we’re doing one or the other. Remaining neutral is difficult because of the flowers, candy and the-retail-cupid. Ultra few people remain neutral … basically it’s babies and really old people. Love when loving and give when the heart says give. Boycott the day of fake love. I ask, is this punishment or what?
The total number of cards given with greeting card copy in-place is significant. Unity Marketing reports that the $10 billion (yes, billion) industry sells about 70% of all cards with copy in-place. What happens if greeting card writers strike? What then?
Yes, there are spies working for Halmark and every other greeting card maker. Why? To uncover the needed research for marketing-types to create a new holiday. According to the book, Halmark wants another 100 days worth of retailization to create $2.99 and $3.99 cards. They anticipate another $1.2 billion in revenue if successful. I might suggest they come up with better, more well-equipped, even camouflaged troopers to spy on us. Their leader, seen in this top-secret photo, needs to be a bit more stealth. Then again, acting obvious might serve another purpose … it might get the talk going about a new holiday so consumers ask for the cards. Ahh, now that’s a thought.
What until we get to Sweetest Day. WFE.
As I research 2-14, I continue to uncover mountains of data and loads of blogs that are anti-2-14. Umm.
Singes’ Awareness Day: SAD
This is our national, singles’ depression holiday. (Halmark is working on cards as we speak.) And it’s for those without a significant other. Due to the profound depression SAD brings about in many, many individuals – it is celebrated for just one day. If you call depression something to celebrate.
Ok then. While the coupling world celebrates 2-14 for practically a month, the rest of the population acts depressed for a day. Given the fact that February is Black History month, I believe the darkest day should be 2-14 when retail America pushes long-stemmed roses down our throats along with the requisite dinner out and some bling-bling surprises while at the restaurant. Which is more sad – the day or the obligatory giving?
Exactly. Just what I thought too.
A symbol of what it means for many, many people on V-day. Broken. I recognize the anti-V-day messages originate from a ’space’ within people who feel lonely and despise the day that celebrates togetherness – especially coupling. However, there is a segment of the US population who despise the day for another reason. The reason — it signifies a reason to purchase some product, good or service. It’s manufactured and thus infers that love is manufactured. Ergo, if it’s broken, buy another – get another – move onto another.
Think about it.
The little sign reads, “Valentine’s Day, February 14th.” Now I don’t know about you, but isn’t that date etched in most of our heads as “the” love day? It has more memorability than … October 29, 1929 (stock market crash), December 7th, 1941 (attack on Pearl Harbor), or October 17th, 1990 (the day the WWW was invented). For many Americans it’s probably remembered more than ‘ya mamma’s birthday.’
Why? Because retailers are in control of what we see, hear and read. The theory of retailization suggests that retailers are the gate keepers of important knowledge. Inherent in the role is an overt concern for our forgetfulness. Retailization theory dictates a code which says, “thoughtful reminders are important to our well-being.” And the bean counters among retail American acknowledge that if we aren’t reminded, we might save our money for retirement. Here-Here!
For both couples and singles, Valentine’s Day can mean trouble. Couples agonize over the gifts they’re expected to give. Singles mope over the gifts they don’t expect to receive. Much of the enthusiasm that one generally associates with a holiday is lost in the anticipation of knowing exactly what to expect. Or to dread.
Valentine’s Day functions are nothing more than unneeded stress on both sides of a relationship to live up to expectations. Even worse, for those uninvolved, it causes self-pity and torture.
Today’s visual speaks volumes about the words I believe apply to the V-day situation.
Even Blue Mountain e-cards is “in on it!” They suck, now, in my retailization opinion!
Get this – anti-cards that encourage you drink more? Did the Vodka counsel of America co-brand this promotion? Did we need a reason to consume more alcohol? I think not. We need no reason to drink more. I’ll toast my Liberty Ale to that (what I’m consuming on the side right now).
Cheers to Liberty Ale. Down with Blue Mountain.
Con us out of money that is!
Valentine’s Day is the second-biggest holiday behind Christmas for card makers, with 190 million Valentine cards purchased. That’s a lot of money. In 2007, 85 percent of those cards were bought by women. That seems to be a very high percentage – but I’m not gathering the stats, I’m just reporting them.
Marketers saw an opening for more sales when the U.S. Census Bureau reported that 51 percent, or 61 million, of the nation’s women are single, outnumbering married females for the first time. The marketing premise: these are a perfect target for “anti-Valentine’s” cards! Supporters who are against the invented holiday are a harder sell, but card makers believe they can work both sides.
Did I hear the peanut gallery say, “WTF!” This is an outrage.
Let’s boycott both the purchase of V-day cards and anit-V-day cards. If you must give a card, make one!
Outta’ here.
Geoffrey Chaucer, the famed English poet, first wrote about romantic love in Parlement of Foules, 1382. Because he was English I truly doubt he had any connection with Target nor WalMart. Fast forward a few centuries and we find that Esther Howland is credited with being the first person to mass-produce paper hearts (embossed and laced). She packaged the hearts and sold them in her father’s book and stationery store in Worcester, Massachusetts. Esther wanted her touch stones of love to be embraced by the masses.
Greeting card companies have been pushing the day since the early 1900’s. In the 1980’s the diamond industry began promoting Valentine’s Day as an occasion for giving jewelry. Today, all retailers are in on it. With so much money to gain, why not? Sell a car, sell a trip, push clothing, what about plants, maybe coffee-o-love, or a saddle for your horse. Maybe a kitchen utensil? Gotta show some love for the chef. Right?
The point is – the day of Saint Valentine has evolved into a retailization holiday connected to products, goods and services. Not traditional love. Certainly not pure love. Furthermore, if you are ‘in love’ or want to ‘give love,’ why what until February 14th? Why follow the retail path that millions of other people follow? Why not be different? Why not?
In 2007 I gave my girlfriend some roses … arranged in a Waterford vase. She took them to work to enjoy them (and I suspect to share the love). When the roses were brought home the next day – I surveyed the lovely flowers. Umm, the flower count was 11 not 12. “WTF” was not strong enough, but that was my reaction. Had the girlfriend given one away? If so, to whom. Then I thought – what if someone took a rose. “Someone” did. We learned sometime later that a member of the bank’s cleaning crew took one rose. I guess the thief saw a ‘bunch’ and didn’t realize that bankers can count. Well, some of them can count. The girlfriend wasn’t going to say anything about the ‘missing’ rose. I was dumbfounded and vehemently disapproved. It seemed obvious to me that if ’someone’ was willing to steal a flower, certainly they would steal something valuable. Remember, we’re talking about a bank. Enough of that story.
This year I’ll create my own unique Valentine’s Day. Rest assured, it will not be on 2/14/08.
The last posting of the Holiday season. Yes, it’s been very fun to accumulate the photos, stories and shiznet about our retailized Christmas celebration. I was tempted to begin writing about V-day, but stopped near home and snapped one mo’ photo. This one – well – I’m hopeful they can afford the power bill that’s coming.
The look of their garage with loads of “crap” stacked high (and up the wall) was pitiful. The overstuffed garbage cans looked pretty bad too.
Funny to think about how many of the lighted displays in Maryville are set up on the lawns of homes that need a little more paint, landscaping and fewer cars on cinder blocks. I observed many homes with thousands of lights but yards that were ugly by daylight.
Tis the season – just the crappy-crap-crap lighted-crap.
The New Year brings another season and we’re almost there.
In Target yesterday I was searching for a birthday present – for my girlfriend’s son, Peter. Guess what – the entire shelf of cards facing you when you walk toward the gift section is full of Valentine’s Day cards. WTF.
We’re being pushed to buy. And continue buying for holidays that are months away – even though 2008 isn’t here. Or is it? Did I miss something? Was there a ban on New Year’s celebrations? Where were the Boxing Day cards? Whatever.
I’m going to enjoy the field day of smashing our next retailization day – a lot.
There will likely be a new IronMan race in Alaska very soon. I hear that Santa is embracing the slim-down attitude pronounced by media as the PC thing to do. BAH F’ing Humbug. (repeat that several times). He’s being “told” what to do. That’s not (!) right. Worse – Santa has been officially asked to refrain from using “ho-ho-ho.” This “trend” started in Australia where Santas were forbidden from uttering “ho ho ho” because it might be “offensive to women” since other than a jolly greeting it is also slang for a woman of ill repute.
This is one time I’m going to use it: “WHAT THE FUCK?!”
Most of the ‘free’ world accepts his appearance. The Santa I know has a thick white beard and usually he wears a velvety suit. Also, Santa is renowned for being a bit on the stout or pleasingly plump side. However, in an attempt to pressure us all into being malnourished little minions of retailization, those now running retail-America have declared war against Santa Claus.
The very guy who is trying to put a little magic back into Christmas.
The U.S. Surgeon General said in an interview to the Boston Globe, “It is really important that the people who kids look up to as role models are in good shape, eating well, and getting exercise.” Right. Are we putting the Easter bunny on a diet? What about all the chocolate that retailers hock during the “L-oo-vvvv-ee-month?”
Crapity-crap-crap-and then more crap.
Outta’ here.
Shouldn’t we be like “Wendell?” Come on – get with the retail-program: BUY something – TODAY.
Santa, seen here, is getting into shape. Seems as if the media and certainly retailers don’t like the jolly Santa created by Norman Rockwell in his 1913 painting, “Santa and Scouts in the Snow.” They don’t like the Santa – I mean the real St. Nicholas – the true ‘Big Guy’ who helped the poor and underprivileged. He was the ordained Bishop who went out at night and gave gifts of money, clothing or food to the widows of unfortunate families. Seems like something was lost in translation. St. Nicholas of 280AD was all about giving to those in need. Santa of 2008 is about getting in shape so retailers can connect with a health-conscious public.
I’m taking all the chocolate, Jelly Beans, nuts (except the pistachios), candy bars etc., and I’m sending it to the North Pole. The note attached is going to read: “Eat up Santa. Retailers are certainly eating up the fact that you’re attempting to lose weight. Get bigger and keep pace with most of America. Ok!”
Ho-Ho-Ho.
Ok – this guy is actually purchasing gifts, wrapping paper and shit for NEXT Christmas. His goal is to complete shopping by March. CRAZY. WTF! Did I see loser written on his face or what?
Retailers were disappointed in the money we spent with them. Whatev. Gift card purchases were up dramatically. The number reported by MSNBC was 26%. Since retailers don’t count the dollars until cards are redeemed, “we” changed the game for retailization that hoped for ’strong’ sales figures.
Wal-Mart cut prices (drastically) several weeks prior to Thanksgiving “knowing” that consumers were going to balk at buying this year. Give them a brownie point – they were right. Target, the second-largest discount retailer was down 1% over last year. I suspect that many people spent their earnings at the pump and on adjustable rate mortgages. Does that seem plausible? Probably.
I bought several gift cards because it was easier for me – and much easier for the person who received the gift. I’m certain that the cards will be used very quickly – probably to give aid to the retailers who are in dire need to recover (HA!). Seasonal crap continues, doesn’t it?!
Rarely will you hear me comment on the tacky side of what Townsend, Tennessee offers up. This time it’s appropriate.
Santa on a Harley. Snow globe action. The “lodge” in the background with UT VOL shit proudly displayed. While riding home from Tremont yesterday I stopped to capture these three wise men. HA!
The numbers reported today by several newscasts weren’t very strong. Even TARGET was off its projections. What’s up? Did I hear retail-America go wagghhhh?
The day of Christmas – now finally here – is truly wonderful. Aside from what retailization has done with Christmas, it’s a beautiful Holiday. Had we any sense we’d get ready for Christmas about a week from the actual day. However, many folks aspire to touch as many people as a possible with glad tidings, cheer, smiles and yes, even gifts. With so many people in a typical friends and family circle, a single week might be set aside to plan Christmas. Whew. That’s a lot work.
Back to retailization. Simply stated, with one week out we’d focus on what really must be done according to our spirit. There was a time when families lived with simplicity in mind – giving to others throughout the year rather than once a year during a religious celebration. After all, the Holiday is not in any way connected to a product, good or service. No connection today – yesterday – in the 11th Century, nor tomorrow. The Holiday we call Christmas is about something many folks have forgotten.
This Christmas felt simple. I liked it a lot. Yes, I gave gifts to my family and I made a few just to ensure I remained physically connected to the real Holiday rather than cave into the pleading “buy-me” treadmill our society fuels.
I’ll gather evidence of the after-party-buying spree. The numbers are going to look/sound pitiful I’m sure – because consumer confidence sucks.
The clock is ticking. Some people want MORE time! At 6:19 PM the clocks says you have just a few hours left. Is the road a jammed parking lot? Nope. Fewer people are thinking, “one more store .. at least one store I want to visit.”
Retailers wanted 5 million shoppers doing the last minute gift-grabbing-credit-card snapping – I can pay for it — in May of next year crappy-crap-crap. HA! DOUBLE HA!
The TV said to buy on Saturday. I went to the store on Saturday. The TV said go to the store on Sunday. I went to the store. I didn’t watch TV today. Guess what? I didn’t go to the store today.
Research lesson completed.
The returns start on Wednesday. Let retailization continue in earnest. With interest and with our minds on what? Valentine’s Day?
Peace on Earth.
When the theme, “less is more” I’m surprised that Target Stores are not in the 20 or less, 30 or less and maybe the 100 or less lines. Why not. I rumbled around the store to find the complete list I went in to ‘check-off.’ How kewl is that – or what?!
Now it was friendly, warm and very inviting. I elected to use my “call a friend” option and called “MOM.” She was very friendly, warm and very inviting. Must be the season? Nope — all is well in Nashvegas. Yeah. And this is now the Holiday time to go less than 10. So I did. HO-HO-HO. One day left – “shop.”
I uncovered several photos from the Islands of Hawai’i – all of which tell me that the mainland’s retailization is integrated into Hawaiian life. Santa looks out of place in an outrigger canoe. And even more outrageous giving us the Shaka sign! Only two more days. Shop-Shop.
So much happens so quickly in the crazy retailization we know as Christmas (rhymes with “Spend-Must”) … and I’m foggy and unfocused. I visited the mall today to gather a gift card for my mom. I fought my way through traffic and was willing to deal with slow pokes in the ‘fast’ lane of the mall. It was a ZOO. CRAZY and out of control. I even payed homage to SubWay so I’d have one less stop on the way back to work. YUCKO. SubWay doesn’t get it. Had I only taken my camera!
The photos herein represent the lighting of the season. Not Christmas, but the Holidays. “Holiday lights.” Ahhh. Now it’s clear as red, white, green, blue, orange, purple, camo (not really). HA! Only three days left until we expire.
Like many Americans I have more than enough crap (and then some). The thought of shopping makes me feel like the little kid who eats the whole 5lb Hershey bar and washes it down with cold milk. Ugh. The fact is, uncontrollable retailization has become a watchword of our culture. And if not, I’m going to make it one through my blog: Seasonal Crap.
Did you know that we have more malls than high schools, and that Americans spend more time shopping than reading. I’m certain you knew those facts.
More than a century ago Thorstein Veblen wrote “The Theory of the Leisure Class,” and coined the term “conspicuous consumption.” He believed that the spending habits of a prosperous society were indeed a primitive form of snobbery and self-doubt, and concluded that the buying habits of many Americans were not based on need. Rather than buy products, goods and services to fulfill a need, these things were purchased due to a desire to have the esteem and envy of everyone around them. Shopping even 100 years ago was about insecurity and an outright determination to exhibit superiority through (my term) crap.
Not much has changed has it?
Post submission: “Maybe ‘they’ could call the holiday store “Holi-daze”. Easy to remember, and the people shopping there would have no idea they’re actually being mocked… And for months that are very light on real holidays, like August, they could have contests where people submit entries to invent a holiday. With the prize being $1000 of holiday, uh, crap. Then the store gets to make cards, decorations and stuff for the new invented holiday to fill in slower sales times (or even better, have them made in China), and get ideas for nothing. What a racket!!!”
Seems that retailization has us hooked into a blur of buying. Holidays are excuses to buy something new – fulfill that empty spot in our over-filled homes. As George Carlin said, our homes are just large storage boxes for all the crap we own. Nothing more. When we run out of space for our crap, we buy a bigger box.
Retailization is our economy’s engine and the barometer by which our daily financial future is measured. If we stop buying, the economy slows and there are “fears of a downward spiral.” WT-huh-F? ? It seems that retailers have us hooked into keeping the crazy spiral pointing upward rather than down.
Get this – Joanne’s, a place for crafts ’stuff’ has already begun displaying Valentine’s Day crap. We are not into 2008 but retailers are anticipating that we’re thinking about February 14th.
I have an idea: let’s create a large retail MEGA-store with HOLIDAY departments in it. Rather than have a Christmas store in Pigeon Forge (junk mall of America), let’s have one MEGA-store with a Valentine’s Department, the Halloween Department, July 4th, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and all the other retail holidays invented to boost the economy’s horsepower. It would be open at 2AM to 12PM (requiring two hours each day to re-stock) … I’m wondering if COSCO or Sam’s could create it? If so, we could buy in bulk and make sure we’re really over stuffed. Enough already – it’s not even Christmas.
This is another crappy tree that gives me a bad feeling about China. For $39.95 the photo is what you get – with the stupid tree of course. Another sack of crap to pile in the attic and gather dust along with the 4-million boxes and bubble wrap. Never mind the ornaments we bought a decade back when they were on sale at K-Mart. (WHEW.)
Then the parties seem to roll on and on. Did you hear, “buzzed driving is drunk driving?” Umm, I’m not sure about you, but I’ve never been to an office gig where someone(s) didn’t get trashed and then drive somewhere(s). This isn’t funny – at all. I guess the drinking games of college are long gone but the office party brings out the quarters and beer-bongs in all of us. Except me because there is no taking chances with the local-yokels, county-mounties, nor full-grown bears. Be safe this Holiday season – NO drinking and driving.
