Yes, today was Easter Monday in Canada. Actually, Canadians are off on Friday and Monday. According to our President, George W., even the eb should get some time off. I suspect they are going to be in a debate very soon. The issue: what color is an American egg? Who knows? The photo (pulled from Google images) suggests that no gays are allowed. Thus the color best be white. If it were black (representing all color) that would promote an “alternative” lifestyle. What-f-ing-ever. Egg on.

The ‘easter bunny’ (to be referred to as the eb from now on) is considered an anthropomorphic, bipedal animal possessed as if it were Santa-like. Somehow this piece-of-shit has the miraculous ability to fill children’s baskets with chocolates and ‘hide’ vast numbers of brightly colored ‘eggs.’ I might conclude that it seems far more like a mushroom-induced hallucination than anything even remotely related to the man named Jesus.

How did the eb become so enmeshed and connected with the ‘Greatest Story Ever Told?’

I suggest it is another retailization attempt at encouraging us to buy something based on a holiday rather buy something based on need.

Curiously, the eb is ‘extra biblical’ (a term meaning that, like Santa Claus, and the Tooth Fairy), he (or she) is not mentioned in the Bible, even in the apocrypha, which is pretty trippy as chunks of the Bible go. While there is a Gnostic gospel, the Gospel of Dave, that does indeed mention a large, hirsute roman with prominent buck teeth witnessing the resurrected Jesus and ‘hopping’ directly to heaven, it should be noted that I totally made that up just now.

Except for its modern association with Easter, the bunny is not a biblical symbol in the New Testament, and appears only once in “The Songs of Solomon” which uses rabbits as a symbol for energetic screwing.

QUESTION: Where then, does this tradition come from?

ANSWER: From retailization.

Some say the chicken crossed the road to get to the other side. Others have been heard commenting that the chicken crossed the road to get laid. The bunny crossed the road to lay some chocolate eggs. It must have been jealous of the chicken and thought brown eggs would sell better. However, the brown eggs didn’t sell so well – - people associated them with shit. SO the bunny painted a bunch of eggs hoping to share them with his furry friends and kids everywhere. However, the bunny didn’t anticipate that the chicken would be waiting in the bushes with a few of his pecker friends. Easter egg hunting is now officially canceled. Hop on.

When the bunny drinks too much he doesn’t feel so good. Rarely does he feel like sharing his alcohol nor his chocolohol nor his stage which is set for magic. The pagan holiday is coming to life with lots of negative energy because the bunny does NOT have any relationship to the greatest story ever told. Furthermore, my historical research suggests that cheap-ass Cadbury chocolate is a prime supporter of the eb. Or so I’m told. The reason for excessive drinking is Cadbury’s brand linkage to Schweppes – thus the bunny has access to mixes and what-not. Drink on. Two days of fun remaining ………….